Meet Tony Snow

CNN is reporting that Tony Snow of Fox News will likely accept the job of White House press secretary [it's now confirmed]. It's about time we had some new blood in the press room. Scott McClellan's deer-in-headlights routine, though effective, was getting a little tiresome. I, for one, preferred Ari Fleischer's weasely deceptiveness to McClellan's earnest non-responsiveness.

But I have a hunch Tony Snow will set the new gold standard by which all future press secretaries will be judged. A quick review of Snow's recent political columns has made one thing very clear to me: Snow really knows how to put lipstick on a pig. He was born for this job.

For example, here's what Snow had to say in response to the conservative uproar over the Harriet Miers nomination:

So now things get interesting. The president has
stirred up a lot of mischief, but Miers has to clean
up the mess. The upcoming confirmation hearings
will determine her fate -- and the president's. If
she defies expectations, George Bush will look like
a genius. If the Senate rejects her nomination, his
presidency will come effectively to an end.

That's just the sort of thing the poker-playing
president loves. George Bush possesses a
gambler's daring and patience. He loves to linger
over a controversy until his adversaries fidget
and sweat. His pleas to "trust me" have the effect
of dragging out the drama -- and imparting the
sense that when the Senate finally casts its votes,
the guy from Midland again will enjoy the last
laugh.

Shortly thereafter, of course, that brilliant poker-playing "genius" from Midland folded like a cheap suit and asked Miers to withdraw her nomination. Good effort, though, Tony.

Here's Snow on Iraq in November 2005:

But consider what's taking place. World events
seem to be vindicating George W. Bush's vision
and tactics. Iraq soon will install an elected,
constitutional government. Syria has begun
handing over bad guys. Arab nations are taking
baby steps toward democracy. Iran has
embarked on a campaign of scaredy-cat
bellicosity. And Osama bin Laden's henchmen
have been reduced to cadging cash from one
another.

Does that not provide a stunning contrast to
the attempts by Harry Reid et al to discredit
the war at the very moment our troops seem to
have made real strides toward finishing the job?

It's as if he was practicing for the job, like a backup quarterback, readying himself to jump in on a moment's notice in the event Scott McClellan pulled a hamstring trying to dodge questions about Karl Rove's involvement in the Plame leak.

Here's my personal favorite: Snow's response to the NSA scandal:

The White House Social Office needs to note
right now, before anybody has a chance to forget,
that it really must send flowers, chocolates and
wall-sized Christmas cards (um, holiday cards)
next year to James Risen and Eric Lichtblau of
The New York Times. The intrepid duo saved
the Bush presidency recently by breaking news
that the National Security Agency has been
conducting surveillance of al-Qaida operatives
abroad and their minions in the United States.

Snow again refers to Bush's poker prowess:

This confluence of events works not only to the
president's advantage, it fits his political style.
When pushed, George W. Bush doesn't like to
play smash-mouth. He prefers the poker
stratagem of calling people's bluffs.

He ends this particularly vacuous column (even by his standards) with this classic bit of hero-worshipping nonsense:

But the Great Bluff-Caller is right about an
even more fundamental point: If we try to fight
the war on terror with eyes shut and ears
packed with wax, innocent people will die.

And last but not least, here's how Tony responded when Dick Cheney shot that guy in the face:

Most of us have tasted the milk of human
kindness, and thus incline to support victims of
unforeseen hardships or tragedies, and Dick
Cheney clearly fell into that category. He was
a man in distress.

He spoke more quietly than usual, and with
unusual emotion. "I am the guy who pulled the
trigger, that fired the round that hit Harry," he
said. "It's not Harry's fault. I'm the guy who
pulled the trigger and shot my friend."

The details spilled out in remembered order:
the trigger, the shot, the hit. There was an
almost cinematic quality to the recollection . . .

Cheney's anguish -- impossible for a guy like
him to feign -- extinguished what little
controversy had existed. It made some of us
feel almost guilty, as if exposed to an
unbearably personal matter they
had no need or right to observe. . . .

Meanwhile, political hacks and members of the
press forgot the importance of behaving like
human beings, rather than velociraptors.

A friendly piece of advice, Tony, you might want to consider dropping the velociraptor line from your repertiore. The White House press corps might not find it as witty as you do. Other than that, though, you're doing great. Keep up the good work.